eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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