Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think your dad took our porno
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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