I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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