The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
