god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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