sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
