Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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