I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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