I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
