why didn't you poke me back
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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