Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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