I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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