And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
