Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
