You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
