I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
