I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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