You're so nebulous sometimes
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
