Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
