and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize