i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
