I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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