i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
