Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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