my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
