I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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