you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
