That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
