yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
