we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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