opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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