It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
