Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
