Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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