his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
