Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
