I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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