two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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