think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
