suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
