I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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