she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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