i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
