he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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