no, he came in my armpit
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You are a genius and a whore.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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