awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
