Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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