first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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