Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The best revenge is premature balding
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
