I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
