You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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