I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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