Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
