if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
