After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
