is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
