Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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