Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
