So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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