I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
