Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
