That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
