it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
