do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
