oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I am naked and annoyed.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
