At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
