never play flip cup with pint glasses
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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