just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
