I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my sisters under your porch take her home
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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