How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
