Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
