Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
