My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
