Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
