Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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