I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
