Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is this like a preordered booty call?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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