I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
