Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
